Saturday, September 03, 2005

Write Like a Cave Man

Do you know how to write Cave-speak? Ever heard of it? For Cave-speak, the only rule is that no word can be longer than three letters. Got it?

"Hit" is allowed. "It" is allowed. "Just" isn't allowed, but "jut" is. Kind of fun, don't you think?

Look, here's an example:

“My dog is a big red dog, and he ran to me on the day my dad die.”

Note that the end of that sentence was grammatically incorrect. That's no problem, because good grammar isn't required in Cave-speak. Just make your text understandable. Don't worry about it being good English.

Here's a Shakespeare Sonnet (in the original English first, then in my attempt at a translation into Cave-speak):

Sonnet 138
by Shakespeare

When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth,
Unlearnèd in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
Oh, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told.
Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

Ode 1
by Me

The day my gal do say she tell no lie,
I do say yes, but in my ME say no,
To get her to see me as no old guy,
Who can not see a lie and then say OH!
Yay! She say to me I no so old am,
But in her HER she say he no is new,
She say the lie to get out of a jam.
We both do it, so why get mad and sue.
But why she say she no tell me no lie?
And why I tell her I am so so new?
So I can be for her and she for I,
For her to say my age is so bad too.
So I lie for her and she lies for me,
Yes we two lie, but to us it's the key.

Cave-speak versions of “Why did the chicken cross the road…?”

Q: Why do the hen X?
A: To get far off the at of me; to go to the at of you.

Q: Why wee hen go to yon of way?
A: To get to yon.

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